Surprises in CTS (part 3): We Worry

Here is another aspect of the Consensual Transactional Sex (CTS) community that may come as a surprise to outsiders: we worry about each other. This came as a surprise to me when I went from being a “loner” to being part of the online community.

On the various websites that the CTS community uses there will be a consistent flow of queries as to whether anyone has seen or heard from certain individuals in a while. Now, some of these are simply business inquiries—one of us is looking to schedule with someone else, but is having trouble making contact. But many of the inquiries are based out of worry. They come about when we do not hear from someone in a while, when their online presence goes silent.

There is legitimate concern among both the men and women of the CTS community when someone unexpectedly stops communicating. Anyone who has been a part of this world for a time understands that there are many dangers. As a result, we do worry when someone drops off the radar.

When someone posts online about not being able to contact someone, it often starts off a bit of a frenzy of activity. Text messages and phone calls to the missing person to start with. After that people start contacting others who have closer relationships to the person in question. If somebody knows where they live, a drop-by visit may occur. The longer there is no response, no answers, the more people begin to worry.

Our community can be much more close-knit than outsiders might imagine. The worry is a very real thing. Eventually, we almost always get an answer—though occasionally not.

But the worry is not just for people who go missing. It is also for those who get hurt or sick, or who have family trouble. It is not the least bit uncommon for people to create fundraisers to help out a member of the community that is in some sort of trouble, be it a health problem, stolen or damaged property, or someone being on the verge of homelessness. I have seen people help out a lady with legal expenses during a custody fight over her children. Hospital bills getting paid for. Car repairs. And all sorts of other assistance.

We are a community that worries about the well being of our members. When I was injured I received dozens of calls, emails, and texts of support and well wishing. People went out of their way to try and cheer me up, most of them people I had not (and still haven’t) met in person. They worried about me. Even now I still get the occasional message asking how I am doing in my recovery (fully healed, I am glad to say!).

So often the world of paid sex is publicly viewed as just a bunch of people screwing each other for money. The reality is that it is much more of a community than any outsider could imagine. And with the current laws like FOSTA hurting us, we have become an even closer community. We are very worried about how this law is hurting our people—especially the sex workers. And as a result, there is more caring and more generosity. A true desire to help one another. This is actually making us into an even stronger community, one that might one day be able to convince some governments to decriminalize transactional sex between consenting adults.

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