The following letter comes from one of my readers who wishes only to be identified as “Bob”.
Dear Mr. ValleyScott,
Thank you for your blog. Reading it has been really insightful about many things. Your honesty has inspired me to want to be honest about a problem I have. Please share this on your blog if you can.
I have a confession to make. I am a “no-show”. I am the king of no-shows. I have a serious problem.
I have been hobbying for 7 years. In that time I have had 118 sessions with 56 ladies. This does not include 30 trips to AMPs. But that is not my problem. My problem is that I have also been a no-show 364 times.
Your read that right—364 times.
I am one of those guys that makes the women mad. I know it, and I am ashamed of it.
I suffer from a social-anxiety disorder. I have all my life. I was the kid in school who sat alone and didn’t talk to anyone. When I found the Internet I thought I had found salvation. I could communicate without talking to people. Texting is also great. That is how I make contact with every woman. But then I know I have to actually meet them. And 75.5% of the time I can’t do it. And that doesn’t count all the women that I started contacted and then never set a date with.
I just can’t. I make the appointment, I get in my car, and I drive to their location. And then I just drive right past. Or I park in the parking lot and just sit there. And if I can’t get the nerve to text them that I have arrived, I end up just sitting for a while before leaving. When the women text me to see where I am I just can’t respond. If I did they would realize what a coward I am.
Sometimes I can get up the nerve to go. 216 times. Most of those were just one time. And many of those sessions ended with me leaving early.
I get a lot of angry text messages and emails from women. I understand that. They are angry because I have wasted their time. I feel bad about that. But I am too scared to respond. I am too scared to tell them why. I doubt they would believe me. I doubt they would understand that I was outside their hotel, sitting in my car, shaking with fear. That I couldn’t even hold my phone because my hands are shaking too much.
The women who have met me have seen me shaking. Sometimes I can’t even get my clothes off.
A few ladies have been very kind to me. They have helped me through my anxiety and fear. I have repeated with several of them over the years. It gets easier for me when I have met a woman before. I relax a little. But I am still very anxious. Sometimes I can’t perform, even if I have been with a lady before. Some ladies take pity on my for that, but others have become tired of it. They ask me not to see them anymore.
I have never shared this with anyone before. Please don’t give out my name or email. Just call me “Bob”.
To all the ladies that I have not shown up to see:
I am so, so sorry. I am sorry that I cannot overcome my anxiety most of the time. It is not your fault. This is a real problem I have. If it wasn’t for working online I wouldn’t even be able to keep a job. But that is still no excuse for what I have done. I have wasted your time to often. It is my curse. I hope you might forgive me, but I understand if you can’t. Being a no-show is one of the worst sins a hobbyist can commit, and I am guilty of it more than anyone. I sincerely apologize to every woman out there.
Mr. ValleyScott, thank you for giving me the chance to charge my story.
I want to applaud “Bob” for being honest and confessing to his “sins” here. That cannot have been easy for him. I must admit, I am shocked that a man can no-show that many times and still keep trying.
I don’t know what causes his social anxiety issue, but it must be pretty bad. I feel sorry for him.
I will not reveal any information to anyone about “Bob”. I will respect his privacy. I do hope that others will not judge him to harshly. And I hope that he learns to cancel appointments instead of being a no-show. Thank you for sharing your story, “Bob”.
[This letter was edited for grammar and to remove certain identifying characteristics in order to protect the authors privacy.]
Bob needs to see licensed therapist.
Bob is a dick because he knows he has a problem and continues to waste ladies’ time. Having anxiety or any other disorder/mental illness is not an excuse to be a timewaster.
What bob can do to make things right is to pay the lady beforehand electronically. That way if he doesn’t show up to his appointment it’s on him and he paid for his time with the lady. She won’t be angry about a prepaid appointment a client didn’t show up for or/and cancel.
Prepaying for his appointments might help get his ass to her door knowing he already paid. But that’s what I see as being fair to the ladies he no calls no shows for.
Bob, It’s your issue and you’re making it her problem. That’s not fair of bob, the lady shouldn’t be out money, you cost her money, because of your issue, she shouldn’t be impacted financially because of your problem, pay the lady for her time, wasted or otherwise.
Reblogged this on Rani Lane – Las Vegas Femme Fatale and commented:
A glimpse inside the mind of a hobbyist who habitually NCNS’s. The man in question needs to seek prof’l help…
I am a provider & I feel sad for Bob. I have been affected negatively by NCNS many times. It is actually one of the most frustrating aspects of this line of work.
Maybe I feel sad for him because I empathize with him (in terms of anxiety) more than I’d like to admit. As it has been pointed out, the problem here is that Bob knows he has this problem & continues to do it. I’m not sure what a solution would be. I think that maybe Bob could mention some of his points to the provider beforehand during the early exchanges. The reason I think this could be beneficial is because it could help him gauge the provider in terms of their compassion/empathy/patience/etc. If a provider has little patience to hear him out with his concerns, then she will likely be frustrated or annoyed (with the hesitation, not being able to get it up, etc) when it comes to the actual visit. If Bob receives that kind of response, then unfortunately that means she will probably not be the provider for him.
As others have mentioned, professional help is also an idea. I recommend this from a loving place, not from a hurtful one. As Bob has mentioned, his anxiety issues have affected much more of his life than just the hobby aspect. I hope that reaching out anonymously here will open a door for reaching out in the real world. Anxiety is something that many people are affected by & he’s not alone. Fortunately, there are therapists that specialize in EXACTLY this. Helping people like Bob is what they live for & love to do. It is their livelihood. They see results in how their help WORKS & the improvements it makes in the lives of others. If you’re skeptical on whether therapy would be helpful, just take at look at some local practices & see how many years they have been practicing. Do you think it is likely for a professional continue what they’re doing for 10+ years if they weren’t witnessing the difference make for the otherwise “hopeless” patients?
Anyways, my point is: While many providers will view this with anger and frustration, many out there will feel compassion.. As long as you are open with them & give them the chance. If they don’t, at least you know they are not the provider for you.
Best wishes & warm regards.