When She Calls First

Here is something that sets me apart from the majority of the other men I know in the CTS community: I like it when a lady makes the first contact.

Funny thing, I never thought this would be a controversial concept until last year. Apparently there are many within the CTS community that consider this something of a taboo. When I found this out I was fascinated. Why would guys consider this wrong? After all, it is in keeping with some fairly long standing traditions in sex work. Sex workers have been approaching prospective clients in many settings for, well, as long as there have been sex workers and clients!

But in the online world, this seems to have changed. Thankfully, not all the ladies agree!

I like it. I have a personal preference for strong, confident women. The kind of women who know what they want and actively pursue it. I enjoy being with a woman who feels that she is the right person for me and is not afraid to say so.

Over the past year I became more and more involved with the online CTS community. I came in with my own mannerisms and my own way of communicating. I stood out a bit from a lot of the other men. Some people didn’t like me (and still don’t: Not Fan Mail), but many people came to like me. This is especially true among many of the ladies who are more active online. And it continues today.

I get approached online quite frequently by sex workers who would like to have me as a client. Admittedly, I can be a bit suspicious, since it would be easy enough for law enforcement to approach me in this way. But I do my due diligence to make sure I am communicating with a real sex worker. Most of the ladies who approach me this way have their own fairly notable online presence, so it is easy to confirm who they are.

I really enjoy when these ladies contact me. I like to flirt. I’m not all that good at it, but I like to do it anyway. And it’s easier online. And fun for me. Most of the time these contacts do not lead to any face-to-face meetings. Time and distance are realities we must all deal with. My private life keeps me from playing the game more often than not.

But it remains a joy to have the ladies make contact first. And, when it does lead to a session, they are often amazing times.

In fact, my All Time Favorite provider is a lady who made the first contact. She had read something that I had written online about my dissatisfaction with something and she felt that she could be the cure. And she was right! This single email that she sent me has led to a great friendship and some amazing pleasure that I continually long for. [Thank you Sabrina for being such a confident, wonderful woman!The Goddess Dances (a poem)]

I do not understand why there are so many men who are against being approached this way. Perhaps they do not like such confidence in a woman. Or perhaps the hunt is an important factor for them, and having the lady call first does away with this. Maybe it is a control issue, and they want to be in charge, not the woman.

I really don’t know. But I do know that I have heard many men who say they will automatically reject such an approach. That they refuse to see women who make first contact. That is truly too bad. They are missing out on some of the best sex workers around. A woman who is confident in communication will be confident in the bedroom—at least that has been my experience.

The Internet has given the CTS community a better opportunity to know about each other and evaluate one another than anything in the past, despite the troubles we’ve recently been going through. Clients and sex workers alike have the chance to be able to look through who is out there and decide who is the best match for them. Clients do this all the time. Sex workers should as well.

As I said, I like women who make the first move. They can often be women I would otherwise overlook (such as my ATF). More ladies should use the resources that are available to them to search out the best possible clients for them. And men should be accepting of this and take advantage of it. If a lady wants you, what is bad about that?!




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  1. Really, Scott I don’t think it’s a minority who like the ladies contacting them first. Most of the guys wish it would happen more often, none of them felt threatened and were happy that that the lady called/texted first.

    Perhaps I’m in the minority and the guys I know are in the same minority. I’m not sure, but it makes my day when I get a message from a lady


    • Makes my day too! But past discussions have revealed that a lot of men do not like this. It would be hard to do any sort of reliable survey to find out the numbers, but most the guys I know do not like it.


  2. I don’t think Scott meant anything bad about it my friend. You happen to fall into the same boat as him.

    But it’s true what he stated .
    I for one providers don’t go searching for clients.

    I don’t approach them and be all like hi want to session, as one particular hobbyist has mentioned that was what I was doing .

    Soliciting clients over private messaging. I was not trying to sell myself or what I do. As Scott mention I contacted him., Cause of what he had wrote.
    I seen the frustration in what he wrote.and found out he wanted to give all this up.
    Now anyone can see it one way or my way or anyway they want to make out of it.

    I seen it as saving him and driving 3 in a half hours so i show him not all of us female are alike

    Give him the chance to decide to session with me and enjoy what I had to offer. I read a forum and seen a man who was tired. Now I could of had passed that forum and where would he be now ?

    Who knows, but I know that I changed his heart to somethung new . I open the window to alot more this industry has to offer. And demonstrating something alot more valuable then he thought …Himself!

    I gave him confidence, self-esteem and a boost of energy . When he reviewed me . I did not ask for it I can careless of a Gentle-Men didnt want to.

    But as everyone had I always give i also give back . I am here today. With little reviews ,but many more who want to see me. Regardless of some don’t like the contact . But I am this person today,

    only because of many of you . I read what most men say their do’s and Don’t. And I read deep into what is mention . So contacting some have been very not good for me.

    I have gotten slander for this online. But many who I have contacted . Also have mention it’s not likely for a lady to do .but something about how I contacted them made them Appreciate me.

    and from this day I Still remain in contact with them. And many I have not session with.
    I had a long conversation with one of Scott’s friends for a little over an hour. He was such a delightful person. And very understanding .

    I was amazed by his compliment and from what he read about me in topics and forums. Was nothing what he experinece from our time over a message. Many Gentle-Men always take what another has to say.

    Regardless if it’s good or bad. But the bad Always sticks
    If a Gentle-Man did wrong, then it’s us providers who has to deal wtih it .. if there is proof as I am fond to always have. Then she is the one who is in the right. If he had no proof and she doesn’t the he is right.

    You have your groups of Gentle-Men the ones like you and Scott don’t mind that a provider reaches out. Then you have your other groups will not tollerate, regardless what she said when she reached out

    Whatevet and how ever its done it’s always bad .
    I think we all should be able to know if it’s okay or not. To help many ladies know if it’s okay and maybe many of us ladies would reach out more

    I don’t see nothing wrong with it. I think its a great idea , for a man to have interesting to a lady . As a lafy should have the same for a man.

    some of us lady’s would have to take a chance to just pick wisely.

    If a Gentle-Man was to ad in his profile.
    ‘ ladies feel free to reach out through PM ” then I am sure many of us ladies would make the effort and we all would be happy . Those who don’t like ladies to contact them ” I do not wish to be contacted by Provider through PM” simple said and everything done right.

    I like to read the don’t and do’s & the mens like and dislike it helps me as a provider to make sure I don’t give myself a bad rep. The only things that keep us going strong is our rep. And trust me , I am surprised that I have not lost mine already
    Sabrina luv

    To all the gentlemen who love us ladies to contact them . Please do make it aware I am sure this industry would be as happy and more joyful is we made our dislikes and likes more noticable .


  3. There is a strong reason for providers not to initiate contact that hasn’t been mentioned: such contact can put a client in danger of suspicion or worse from his non-professional sex partner or from his employer.

    Wives and girlfriends often have chances to see messages or notice phone calls or shoulder-surf on email, and a “wanna fuck?” message can trigger enormous jealous rage.

    So, without invitations such as suggested in a profile, and without specific knowledge that it is OK for that particular guy at that particular time, I would have to consider contact initiated by a provider to be dangerously unprofessional. Some good could come of it, but there is potential for very great harm.

    And something like this, I think, is probably behind the consensus rejection of the practice.

    Those of us who keep our CTS communication channels apart from our everyday channels, leakproof, don’t have to worry about it. But many guys don’t and would be at risk.


    • Absolutely this! When I was in my early months of working, I would reach out to clients.. I had to learn the hard way. After sending out some texts, I received a message saying “Hey”.. So I replied as I normally would (since it is my work number after all).. I said “Hey hun. Looking to schedule?”.. Then said number continued on with the conversation.. Long story short, one of the guys I had texted originally had left his phone at home & his girlfriend read my message (which was a very simple “Hey how have you been?”).. She proceeded to text me undercover from her own phone & after conversing for a while, she realized what I do & completely freaked out.
      This example is somewhat extreme & would had to have involved a lot of trust issues prior to my initial contact, but it just goes to show that even the most innocent messages can lead to problems. I do believe in touching base with clients that you’ve seen on a regular basis since at least you already have a good idea about how that gesture would be received.
      Luckily, we have different platforms like Switter & now the Private Delights chat rooms that are more exclusive to our cause, so it’s nice to be able to reach out from there. Much safer. I do consider it a form of self-marketing & I’ve found it very helpful in the scenarios where I know it will be received without issue. Not only that, but it’s great to let the client know that you are thinking of them!


  4. I have had several touring providers that I have seen previously contact me to let me know they’ll be back in my area. These providers also knew it was OK to contact me.

    I have never had anyone “cold call” me. This is probably because I’m not active on the types of sites that have a lot of client interaction. I don’t post contact info anywhere so the only way I could be contacted out of the blue would be through a closed system… I.e. Switter.

    I do find it a bit flattering that these providers are willing to see me again. I guess am just a nice guy.


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