I have 63 friends who own or manage businesses. That is a pretty fair amount. They are certainly not all close friends, but still friends. I have never once asked any of them for free products or services, or discounts. A few have offered. I always ask if they are sure, to which they all say yes. So I accept. But I never ask. I don’t ask my friend who owns an auto repair shop for free services or parts. I don’t ask for free food from friends who own or run restaurants. I don’t ask my friend who manages a hotel for free rooms. And none of them have ever asked me for free services in the work I do. We are friends and we do business with each other. But being friends doesn’t entitle me to anything special from their businesses.
So what does this have to do with CTS?
For a long time it has been suggested to me by many people, both sex workers and clients, that you cannot have actual friendships between sex workers and clients. Or that if it is a real friendship, that the proof would be the sex worker giving free services to the client. Or that sex workers only pretend to be friends in order to drum up more business from a client.
My response to all of that:
Bullshit.
There are three sex workers who I consider to be close friends, one of them is my best friend. A few others that I would call “casual” friendships. A couple more that are more like “work” friends (as in people you work with, not do business with). There are also a number of clients that I consider to be friends as well.
I have NEVER asked any of my sex worker friends for free or discounted sessions. And I never will. That is not right. This is their business. I respect that. We have “friend time” and we have sessions. Yes, the two can happen on the same day. But often they don’t.
I once had another hobbyist insist that if I hadn’t “had coffee with her, taken her out to dinner, and had unpaid sex with her”, then she couldn’t actually be my friend.
Bullshit. Again.
First off, I don’t drink coffee. But I have enjoyed donuts and milk with my best friend on more than one occasion. And we’ve eaten pizza together–the ultimate “friend” meal as far as I’m concerned. As for unpaid sex, well, since when has sex ever been the measure of a friendship?
Comments like that are part of a pattern I’ve seen from people who think that friendships can’t exist in our community. I know they are wrong. Deep, meaningful friendships are a very real possibility in the world of CTS. Including between providers and clients.
CTS is all about mixing business with pleasure. Pleasure is the business, after all. And truthfully, if people in this community can easily have sexual relations with total strangers, why can’t they be able to be friends with the people they have sex with? It really is not that hard to seperate the two. Part of the relationship is business and part is friendship. It can be done. I do it. And I know many others who do as well.
Yet there are some very vocal people who insist that it is not possible. Why? I can only guess. Perhaps they are just too jaded by this business. Or perhaps they have tried and failed, and have since decided that if it didn’t work for them, it can’t work for others. Or maybe they are just jealous. Whatever the reason, they try to bring down those who are willing to state publicly that they have friends.
I do think it is very worthwhile to have friends in this community. It makes it more enjoyeable. It makes the community stronger. It gives you people to lean on when you need it. And it gives you more pleasure.
And friends are just good to have. Especially best friends.
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