Some men just lose control. They do. And it leads to one of the darkest aspects of Consensual Transactional Sex:
You quite literally can go broke by having sex.
It is very well documented that sex can be very addictive. Especially when it is readily available. And that can be a real problem when you get involved in this lifestyle. Once you figure out how all of this works, it is amazingly easy to get what you want—as long as you can pay for it.
That may sound as though I am being negative about CTS. Far from it. But I am being truthful. And, unfortunately, it can be easy for some men to lose control of their spending.
I recently had conversations with two different men who have gone through this. For one, it was something that happened years ago and it took a long time to recover from. For the other man, he is going through it now.
The stories of these two men are remarkably similar. Both men went online to look for companionship following messy divorces. Both found websites where pretty ladies offered services that they desired. Both tried it out and got hooked. In both cases, once they started, they couldn’t stop. Once a week turned into twice a week. Then every night. Then multiple times a day. They couldn’t, and wouldn’t, control themselves. And for both of them, they burned through their finances in short order. Savings and investments gone. Personal property sold or pawned off. Cash advances on credit cards. Even loans. All money spent on sex at an uncontrolled rate.
These two men may be extremes, but they are not alone. It is very easy to do. When I was in my twenties I burned through about 5 grand in savings in two months. I was lonely, horny, and had the cash. Thankfully that was all I did to myself financially. It could have been much worse.
Sex can be like a drug. Sometimes there is just not enough to satisfy. And yet, if sex is your drug, you keep trying to find that elusive satisfaction. But if a little bit of sex isn’t enough, then a lot won’t be either. I found that out. But it took a long time to understand what I was REALLY in need of. I needed a certain type of sensual healing. But that was me. Everyone is different. We all need something. Tragically, we sometimes think what we need is just more. But more is never really the answer.
Those two poor men I mentioned before have both lost everything in their unquenchable thirst for MORE. They lost their money. They both ended up losing their homes. One lost his job. They both hit rock bottom.
For one of them it has been a long climb back up. Eventually he found what he really needed—and it wasn’t sex, but a different type of connection. Now he is able to see providers without going to extremes. For the other man, only time will tell what happens. To his credit, he is now getting counseling for his sex addiction. Maybe that will help him, but he still has a hard road ahead.
I write all of this, not to put anyone down, but to encourage. I encourage all clients to take stock in what they do. Make sure you can really afford to play the way you do—budgets are a good thing. But also take a look at what you are after. Is what you do satisfying—truly satisfying right now? Or do you constantly want more? Are you really in need of something different, or in need of some kind of healing? These are the questions you need to ask yourself before things ever get out of control.
“It is very well documented that sex can be very addictive.”
Indeed. So much so that it seems likely that the very mechanisms of addiction, in our bodies, our nervous systems, our hormonal circuits, evolved just for this purpose: to make us reproduce maximally, and bond with a partner so that offspring survived better.
Once the addiction system was there in us, of course, it applied to many things it was not evolved for: alcohol, nicotine, opium, sugar, Facebook, … . But before all that, addiction evolved because those with it out-reproduced those without.
“Sex: The Worlds Oldest Addiction”