There it sits, in many an ad or listing posted by Sex Workers. It is just four letters, but it can create quite a lot of drama. These four letters have been a topic of great debate on several different forums over the years. It has led to arguments and lost friendships within the community. Four letters, but so much meaning.
I’ve been being asked to address this topic for almost a year now, but this is the first time I’ve done so. It is a heavy topic, one that can create a lot of intense feelings for many within our community. I will admit, I’ve avoided it purposely because I feel like it could easily be something that creates more drama that I’d like for my blog. But the time has come.
What Does It Mean?
While I doubt there are many who don’t understand the meaning of “No AA”, I have to assume the there are a few who remain blissfully ignorant of this issue. I’m about to strip away your innocence.
When a Sex Worker posts “No AA” it means that she (or he) will not see any client who is of African American descent. This can include those of mixed race heritage as well, especially if they have darker skin.
Not only does it mean that the provider will not see them as a client, but that they do not wish to be connected by anyone meeting that description. Anyone who lies or misrepresents themselves in order to meet a Sex Worker who posts this will usually find themselves being blacklisted and publicly scorned on social media by the provider.
Is This Common?
Yes. I don’t know if anyone has ever compiled any reliable statistical data on how prevalent it is for providers to post “No AA”, but it is a very common sight on many websites where Sex Workers advertise.
I did a little bit of unscientific research across 3 different sites, randomly looking at the ads/listings/posts of 20 providers on each site. Out of a total of 60 providers I found 21 who had included “No AA” in their postings. That’s 35%. I cannot in any way demonstrate if this is an accurate figure or if it is in any way representative of the entire community. As I said, these were just some random selections and I did not use any standard methodology for my research.
But I do feel that it is consistent with much of what I have seen over the years on various websites.
Is This Racism?
That is really the big question. Does posting “No AA” signify racism.
Many feel that it does. And it is very obvious why they feel this way. To have an entire group of men singled out and rejected based on their race can hardly be called anything but racism. On face value it is utterly racist to see this being posted. “No AA” must be an inherently racist statement.
But is it? One element that puts a serious question into that assessment is the fact that many of the Sex Workers who post “No AA” are, in fact, African American themselves. Can a person be racist against their own race? That is a question of logic and sociology that I don’t even want to thing about (and it is certainly outside the scope of this website).
While on the surface it is easy to say that it is racist to post “No AA”, I thin we have a responsibility to look deeper than just the surface. And to truly answer the question of whether it is racist, we have to ask another question:
Why Do Sex Workers Post “No AA”?
This is the real question. The question that leads to real answers. The answers that I feel really matter.
Why do some Sex Workers refuse to see African American clients? What has led them to a place where they would exclude an entire race of potential business clients?
Here lies the problem with discussing this issue. There is no single answer to the question. And there aren’t two answers either. Or three, or four, or ten.
The truth is, there are more answers to this question of “why” then can be examined in a simple blog post. It would take a dissertation to examine them.
Over the years I’ve heard from a multitude of Sex Workers about this issue, both those who won’t see African American clients and those who will. Their opinions are as varied as their personalities and experiences.
For some it is about past experiences that they do not wish to repeat. For others it is about the reputation that African American clients have received in their area. For others it is about physical attraction. For others it is because their pimps will not allow it. The list goes on and on. And the list of reasons does include racism. Sometimes very blunt and vicious racism.
This is no simple issue. There are no simple answers. Many Sex Workers have expressed to me that they have agonized over their choice to say “No AA”. For others it was an easy choice.
One provider told me of being raped by an African American client. Since that time she has never felt comfortable with seeing any African American men.
Another has two sons whom she had with her now deceased African American husband. She doesn’t wish to see any African American clients because it reminds her too much f the man she loved and lost.
But another told me straight forward: “I don’t fuck niggers!” [her exact words].
What Should Be Done?
So, how should our community handle this situation? Since many feel this is racist in nature, should such language be banned from websites? Or should it be allowed? Is it harmful to our community?
These are not easy questions, and my opinion on this matter is just that—my opinion.
But I do not think that we should ban the term “No AA” from our sites. I say this for two principle reasons:
1—It is not clear that it is always meant as an act of racism. True racism is based on unjustified hate or distrust. That is not always the case when when providers refuse to see clients of a particular race.
2—Sex Workers have the right to choose who they wish to have as clients. And if there are any types of people they do not wish to see, it is actually in the best interest of potential clients to know this up front. If a provider does not see women, overweight men, younger men, older men, etc., then she should feel fully safe in saying so online. This should also include race if she chooses to be selective in that way.
I am not saying that it is always right that Sex Workers choose not to see African American clients (or any other clients for that matter). Many of their reasons are simply not socially acceptable. Racism is an awful thing.
But we are talking about sex here, and no one should ever feel compelled to have sex with someone they don’t want to.
This is a deep, serious, and uncomfortable topic. I am sure that some of you will disagree with things I’ve said here. That is good. Disagree with me. This issue needs discussion and debate. But please keep the debate civilized. If you have an opinion on it, please comment below—but please take the time to explain your opinion in a way that adds to this conversation. No racist or hateful comments will be allowed. Let’s talk about this issue in a productive manner.
Nice writeup; it’s fair to say guy discriminate too; But it’s easy for us; We simply don’t call ladies that aren’t our preference; We don’t have to post anything; share anything and nobody will know. One thing I did hear a provider say was that she has “No AA” so more non-aa guys would see her; I guess it’s a turn off for some non-aa guys if a provider see AA men. Sometime’s even AA women have the rule.
I didn’t see you mention size, which can be a big factor, petite below ladies can’t always handle size ( I speak from experience) and also it’s been said they tend to be boundary pushers, over stay, haggle and won’t take no for an answer, get too rough, or try to recruit you which can turn ugly. Blackmail and kidnapping does in fact happen.
A high risk group is under 30 AA, under 30 of any race really, large percentage are time wasting flakes and ROBs. I require extra screening for this group, they are more difficult to screen, almost impossible to do properly as they aren’t very established in life, many don’t know this industry and will give fake info. I ask for a pic of their ID to make sure they didn’t lie about their identity. Anyone who lies has ill intent.
I hate that I can’t walk around a hotel without getting approached by every AA guy wanting to be my pimp. Never been approached by a white, Asian, or Mexican pimp. They have a different tactic. But to not be able to walk about freely without being approached also leads to why they have a bad rap. They do it to themselves. Too aggressive, won’t take no for an answer and it makes women feel physically threatened.
I do believe there is a way for a lady to pick and chose whom she sees without being blatantly racist. Screening. Require a physical description and ask references their race. Handled without feelings getting hurt.
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Providers totally have a choice of choosing who they don’t want to see; however, they need to word their choices a bit more eloquently without being discriminatory.
So, let’s drop the Backpage lingo such as ‘No AA’.
A provider could simply just require to know a suitor’s ethnic background upon contact:
“Please state your name, age, ethnicity, and your preferred form of contact if you’re interested.”
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This is a good article, and a tough discussion. I think the simple truth is…..her body, her choice. That is where the discussion should really begin and end. It does not matter why, that is for the lady to decide. But, when It comes to her body and mind…..she chooses.
If I guy does not like it, choose not to see her……that is the client’s choice. If someone decides to judge her, then they are drawing a conclusion without knowing all the facts.
I choose who I want to see…..the lady should have that same option.
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I had to add to this so in my experience back when I first started a million years ago every girl that I knew that had a pimp would say that there pimp didn’t allow them to see AA guys never really understood why but that’s why they would put that in there ads.. me personally I have never had an issue with seeing AA men other then one time and it was because of the size don’t get me wrong I have had issues with white and Mexican men when it comes to size as well but i just find it funny how I never see anyone bring up the whole pimp issue as to why these lady’s don’t see AA men when I have know more then a handful of them but I guess a girl that has a pimp wouldn’t flat out admit to it. As it would definitely have an impact on her business… just my 2 cents 😘😘
Some ladies will also say it’s for marketing purposes, so they won’t alienate the White clients who have issues with them seeing AA men.
As a client, there is a group of ladies I won’t see based on past history…but that’s my own hangup. I don’t have to advertise this anywhere, I just elect not to see them.
There is nothing racist about this just like I believe ladies shouldn’t be ostracized for including NoAA in their ads.
The issue I do have is when ladies post “sorry” in front of NoAA. To me, you’re not sorry, you just have reason/s for not seeing AA gents….whether you’re a Black, White, Asian, Hispanic etc provider.
Finally, I know quite a few ladies who had a NoAA policy and now started seeing AA clients. As an AA gent, this is great. It’s something my Caucasian gents rarely (if ever) have to deal with. The more, the merrier!
Of course it is racism.
Also the idea that black men are hung or have large genitals is a racist myth.
I agonized over my decision to stop seeing AA men, it felt so discriminatory..not who I am. Jeez, I’m a liberal Seattle Democrat who always fought against racism. And when I started sex work I would see the ads that said “No AA” and shake my head assuming those ladies were pimped. So I didn’t discriminate and saw everybody, just to prove I wasn’t racist I even saw a high risk group….younger AA men. Now most of the time they behaved and we’re good clients, but I noticed that in my experience the under 40 AA clients were cheap, lowballed, often were too aggressive and rough, we’re not respectful of my time…going over without paying. All very annoying things, but pretty common…we’ve all dealt with guys off all races who do this.
But then I had a really bad run where my life was put in danger several times, all from younger AA, men. I had one show up with $25 insisting on “5 minutes of head”, I told him it was nowhere near enough and to leave, but he was very aggressive and would not leave. I finally out the door but I was terrified. The next time I was anally raped by a 30yo AA who kept bugging me for Greek, which I don’t offer. He was very rough, but I just wanted him to hurry up and finish and get out. We were in doggy and he was so rough his cock kept slipping out. He kept holding the head right up against my anus begging me to “just slip the head in”. I told him no and that if he asked and we were gonna stop the session. This asshole pulls all the way back and “accidentally” rams his 9 inch sick all the way up my ass…ripping, tearing and making me bleed. I screamed, pulled away and rolled myself up into little ball on the bed, crying. I told him to get the fuck out, and he actually said that wasn’t fair since he didn’t get to cum! I was terrified and ended up needing 4 stitches later that day at the ER.
The last experience was the worst. Only a month later a young AA men brought a gun to the appt. He held the gun to my head and robbed me for all the money I had,plus my son’s electronics. I ended up calling the cops, but they never did catch the guy. After that, I’d had enough, I wasn’t going to take any chances. I would still see my regular AA clients, but no more new ones. Although I will see them if they are over 45. No amount of money is worth risking my life, and means I have to discriminate then so be it. I understand that robbers and rapists come in all colors, yet it’s been my experience that younger black man have a higher percentage rate on being predators. I’ve just been hurt too many times. That demographic is too high risk for me.
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I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. It’s something about the way men under 30 view women, I don’t know what it is but there is a complete disconnect and they don’t see providers as people, we’re objectified but there’s more to it. We get no respect from most, it’s sad that certain groups have to be more scrutinized and alienated and heavily screened because it’s not just a few bad apples, it’s theres only a few good apples in the bunch which brings about the question, why are men under 30 so disrespectful to women and what happens as they get older, why is there such a noticeable shift?
To answer your question, I think we just get tired. Tired of being angry, tired of having people angry with us. It’s fun to be an asshole when you think you know everything, but as the years pass and you realize that you don’t know shit- well, it kind of takes the wind out of your sails. Speaking from personal experience here. I wouldn’t say I was any more disrespectful to women than men, in my 20’s- but that being said, I wasn’t especially respectful to ANYONE.
Forgive me, a meer client, if I come off as naive or lacking in knowledge of sex work. To be honest I’m new to the scene.
Above all else I want to be respectful of those who are criticized and vilified for their vocation; whom should really be respected and protected like any other worker. But I can’t let this one slide. Because the “No AA” situation has been something that’s made me feel anxious and self-conscious ever since I stepped into this sphere.
I want to prefice that I understand that many SWs have had terrible experiences involving Black men in the past, and post trauma isn’t something that can just go away in a snap. And I can’t, in good good conscience, debate those SW’s hurt.
However, the commentors in this section who’ve claimed that the sole reason they don’t see Black clientele is ’cause “most if not all Black men are packing that schmeat” are likely either misinformed and/or going off of like… What…? A sampling pool of two or three dudes they met?
No, not all Black men are the well-endowed, aggressive stud muffins that the porn industry and other forms of media profits from portraying us as. Speaking for myself, I’d say I’m mediocre, above average if I’m really feeling myself.
And I’m certaintly no “stud”, “bull” or “buck”. Terms often used to refer to Black men today. Which if one would briefly skim the history of slavery in America would know why.
What we have here is a classic case of racial stereotyping. Not to say that it’s intentional. A lot of things get coded into us early, maybe by parents or peers.
The BBC stereotype is harmful to the African American community. Sure, it’s great on a personal level to walk around having people think you’re hung. It’s a compliment even! There certainly aren’t many Black men rushing to refute the narrative.
But it perpetuates the stereotype of the Mandingo: a sexually voracious black man with a huge penis; invented by slave owners to promote the notion that black people were not civilized but “animalistic” by nature.
I’m not saying that anyone here is racist (baised, sure), or actually believes such backward and hackneyed ideas. But it certainly isn’t a good look to tote all too similar talking points.
Hahahaha! All these years I kept thinking to myself,
“Are that many people in Alcoholics Anonymous seeing sex workers? ”
“Are they trying to recruit members and it’s become such a problem that these girls now have to specify that they’re not welcome!?”
I get it now.
God, I’m so stupid some times!
Honestly, I am not racist whatsoever! I can be friends with anybody but so far in life I have I chosen not to sleep with African American men because the majority of them, are huge! Whoever made the comment about it being a myth is ignoring the fact that the myth didnt begin for no reason…. the the majority of them are far bigger than the average men of other races. it doesn’t mean that every single one is gigantic, but I would bet money on it in a heartbeat. I am not racist and I would totally be happy to talk to them or be friends with them I just don’t want them in my vagina area because I am used to a certain size. It isn’t anything to do with being racist. I also don’t sleep with guys that have bad hygiene. To me, it is a preference. I base my choices solely On my personal preferences at the specific time I would never state no A.A. .I choose to make my decisions based on my feelings once I communicate with the interested person.