Sex is a wonderful thing. Intimacy and connection with another human being on such a primal and hedonistic level can be utterly fulfilling. It can be a thing that a man dreams about, and when those dreams become reality he relishes every moment of it.
But sometimes he comes to a point where it is no longer what he wants.
Being a Client in the Transactional Sex world is not for everyone. And that includes people who have been doing it for years. There can come a point where a man wants out of this lifestyle. But that isn’t actually that easy to do.
Why Get Out?
Why do some men decide to get out of this lifestyle? There are, of course, many different reasons—each as unique as the man who wishes to leave this behind.
Some men want out because they have decided to pursue a “normal” relationship. Either they are rekindling their existing marriage, or looking to settle down with someone new. Either way, they see that continuing to spend time (and money) with Sex Workers is not conducive to this desire.
For some, they are no longer fulfilled by this life. While continually having new sexual partners without worry about commitment or relational responsibility can be exceedingly fun for many men, it can also end up be unfulfilling for others. Most humans crave long-term relationships with each other, they desire a personal and emotional intimacy that cannot be found in a short tryst. They want more.
It is possible for a man to get bored with having sex with new women all the time. I know that some men would scoff at such a suggestion, but it can be true.
There are some men who realize that their persistence in this lifestyle is a result of an unhealthy sexual addiction. No matter how much sex they have, no matter how many women they are with, they never find fulfillment. There can come a point where such a man realizes he needs to change his behavior. The “Hobby” may sound like a great place for a sexual addict, but it really isn’t. Just as a bar is a bad place for an alcoholic, the “Hobby” is a potential disaster for a sex addict.
And some men want out because it is just costing them too much money.
It Isn’t Easy
Some people might think it is a simple thing for a man to get out of this lifestyle. But it isn’t. Plenty of men try, but many of them come back after a short time. Why can’t they stay out? Isn’t it just as simple as not going?
Tell that to an alcoholic.
The truth is, all “hobbyists” are addicted to this lifestyle in some manner or another. Casual, occasional clients can easily just not see Sex Workers. But not men like me. Once this becomes a lifestyle, it is difficult to get away from it.
The conservative social critics who complain about how prevalent sexual imagery is in our society are completely right. It’s everywhere. And it seems like everything is sexualized in some way. You can’t get away from things that conjure up sexual thoughts (and memories). For someone who has no desire to avoid such things it is a wonderful world we live in. But for someone who is trying to control sexual urges, it sucks. Especially when you know that your desires are just text or phone call away from reality.
How To Get Out
There is no easy answer for getting out of this lifestyle. For those who have a true sexual addiction it is critical that they receive treatment for that addiction. Nothing else is going to help. Sexual addiction is really no different than drug or alcohol addiction.
If you want out and are not a sex addict it doesn’t mean it will be any easier. In fact, it could be harder. There are not really any resources that I am aware of to help clients leave this lifestyle. [If anyone does know of such a resource, please leave a comment & link below.]
The best advice I can give is that you shouldn’t try getting out alone. Find someone who can help you. Someone to counsel you. Someone to hold you accountable. Someone you can talk to.
I honestly feel that getting out of drugs or alcohol is easier in our society today. Neither of those carry with it the social stigma of Transactional Sex. If someone at work says they are an alcoholic and need help getting sober they will find plenty of people and resources at their disposal. If someone says that they spend their free time paying women for sex but want to stop, they are not likely to find much help. But you still need it. Find someone who won’t judge you. Find someone to help you move on to a different lifestyle.
As For Me
I’m not getting out. I’ll be completely honest here, I’ve wanted to get out of this life at times, but never been able to commit myself to that goal. And I now realize, I don’t really want out. At least not for anything short of true love. I either want that one great love, or I want lots of lovers. But that is me.
I won’t look down on anyone who want to leave this lifestyle behind them. There is nothing wrong with that. Especially if it is becoming unhealthy for them. But I also won’t ridicule those who try to leave and come back. I think we need to be an encouragement to one another, both in staying and in leaving. I for one will say this, if you feel the need to get out I will help in any way I can.
**********
Sexual Addiction Resources:
Smart Recovery: Sexual Addiction
[These links do not represent an endorsement of the services offered or information contained on the websites. They are given just as a striating point for anyone dealing with a sexual addiction. — VS]
The ValleyScott Blog 