Contact Etiquette

So, you have decided you want to spend time with a sex worker (SW). Congratulations. Now please, don’t be a dick-head.

There is a right way to make contact with a SW, and there are a bunch of wrong ways. Screw this up, and you’re going to be lonely.

Okay, let me be nicer. There is a right way to talk to a SW, and it is the best way. It is a path that respects her and will lead to your desires being fulfilled. Everyone wins.

The Basics:
Be polite, be honest (mostly), be direct, be discrete, and be concise.

In today’s environment, most initial contact is done through text-messaging, with e-mail and other internet-based communications being the next popular choices. Rarely is first contact ever done with a phone call anymore. But most likely you are going to be texting, and that means keeping it simple, but still being complete.  If a lady has posted a preference for how to contact her, use it–always!

Begin your text with some sort of salutation and then briefly introduce yourself:

“Hello Miss XXXXX, my name is ValleyScott. I’m 40ish, white, and look like Santa Claus.”

See how easy that is. It’s polite. It’s direct. It gives her a small bit of information on you that may be helpful to her later (such as during her screening process). I’m not revealing too much information about myself, but I am being honest and giving her something to work with.

Next, let her know where you got her contact info. This is very important. Many SW’s have their information out there on a lot of different venues. Telling her which one helps in many ways. It tells her which venue is working best for her. It tells her some things about you (different types of people use different sites), and it helps her in her screening process.

Now it’s time to inquire about availability. If you have a very specific time in mind, be specific. If it’s more of a window of opportunity, let her know that too. If you are just looking to get screened for a possible future encounter (which I highly recommend), let her know. Here’s how it should look:

“I am wondering if you would be available to get together on the 6th at 7pm.”

“I would love to be able to see you sometime on Saturday between noon and 6pm.”

“I am very interested in meeting you in the future and wanted to get screened now.”

Any of these gives a SW the kind of information she needs in order to reply back to you. If you want a specific time and she can’t do it, she can let you know and nobody ends up wasting any time. If she has specific screening criteria, you have now given her the time to do so, or let her know that there isn’t enough time. Either way, this is good communication.

Now, I do not generally include my references in my initial contact. Too cumbersome. And, if the SW is unavailable during my requested time, those references were unnecessary. I do let her know that I have those references and that I will send them when she asks. Whatever you do, don’t lie about references. Have them ready to go.

Be prepared to provide any other screening info she requests.  I’ve found that screening can vary substantially from one lady to another (and can be very different in different regions), so be prepared.  If she requests information you are not comfortable with providing, don’t argue about it. Politely let her know, ask (politely) if there is another option, and if not, then move on.  But don’t fight about it.

Finish your text politely. “Thank you for your time and I look forward to meeting you” is a good way to go.

This is really very simple. And it really makes a lot of difference. Women like to be approached in a polite manner. SWer’s hate having their time wasted. This is the formula that I use and it never leads to a bad response from the ladies. They are never upset by it.


“U Available?”
“What’s up?”
“Wanna fuck?”
“Hey baby.”
“100 for bj”

NONE of these are an acceptable way to approach a woman. Period. Never. I hope I am being clear. This is the formula for pissing women off. So don’t do it. Ever.

Are we clear?

Don’t lie. Ever. Never lie about a reference. Never lie about you age, race, appearance. Never lie about anything. It’s not worth it. Lie’s are just a bad way to go. If you lie in order to get her to agree to meet you, she will eventually find out. And that is just going to ruin things for you.

I won’t get into the debate about race in this post, but seriously, don’t lie about your race in order to get an appointment with a lady who has stated she does not see clients of your race. Regardless of your opinion on the practice of refusing clients of a particular race, lying in order to get an appointment is just going to bite you in the ass. It will be a waste of your time once she sees you and refuses to open her door to you. So don’t do it.

Don’t lie about you age. You don’t have to be specific— saying you are “40ish” or “in my 50’s” is perfectly fine most of the time, as long as it’s true. She will know if you lie and that can backfire on you.

You do not have to tell a SW your life story. No need to share everything about yourself. They do not always need to know your last name, or other personal things (though some SWers use this as their primary screening tool). But don’t lie about your first name. Use the name you use in life. It is just simpler that way. And you won’t forget it, like you can with a fake name (I made that mistake in the past!).

More Don’ts:
Don’t talk about money when you first make contact. At all. Do your research before hand. Don’t ask.

Don’t talk about “services”. Seriously, that just pisses off the ladies.

Other than asking what city they are in, don’t ask about location. You don’t need to know until you are actually scheduling to meet. In very large, spread out cities, you can ask a general area. Obviously, “New York City” needs to be narrowed down a bit. But beyond the general area, you don’t need specifics until you are actually going to be traveling.
See how NOT complicated this is? It doesn’t take much to do it right. It also doesn’t take much to screw it all up. Don’t be one of these guys who is pissing off the ladies with your bad etiquette. Seriously, you lose when you do that.

“Hello Miss XXXXX. My name is ______, I’m (age), (race), and (1-2 word description). I saw your ad on and find you very interesting. I would love to meet you. Are you available on ???-day at X o’clock? I have references available to send you. Thank you for your time. I look forward to meeting you.”


  1. Valleyscott: I’ve had my eye on a lovely lady for some time. However, as a newbie to CTS, I was unsure (and scared and worried) about making contact with her. After reading this post (and some time has past) I finally made contact following the advice given here. The provider was pleased with my messages to her, and told me that it was in part due to my polite and professional communication (and my cooperation with her screening process) that convinced her to meet with me. Thanks for the advice, and I highly recommend that others do the same when contacting providers.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So I just go as far as lip service every once in a while. It seems like most girls don’t even list a quick rate anymore. What’s the best way to ask if a bng rate is available and when is the proper time? I would hate to waste both our time by running into a high cost or it not be on the menu. My first contact goes by your example but I do get ignored or shut down when I clarifying service and cost.


    • Exous, as a basic rule, do not ever ask about services or rates when first contacting a provider. This is generally seen as a serious breach of etiquette. Many providers will not discuss such things at all via text or phone (or email). As a minimum, any such questions should only be approached AFTER screening has been completed. And even then, it needs to be done delicately. You should never ask “Do you offer BNG?” You should simply inquire about session length. Time is one thing that providers will address in electronic communication.

      As for you not seeing it listed by that many ladies, it is because many are no longer offering such services. At least not to new clients. I have heard many complaints from providers who used to offer “quick” services that they encountered too many time wasters and no shows who contacted them about it. However, many ladies do offer short sessions to repeat clients. But for new clients, 30 minute or hour sessions are becoming the minimum.


    • yes, never mention services or money in the same conversation. I never discuss rates or services before meeting, but I also have my contact, screening, and info listed and posted in such a way it’s not easy for time wasters to contact me, I don’t post my number when I can help it, my website has all the info necessary, only serious clients will know what’s on the table when they decide to pull the trigger, most experienced guys pick up what I’m laying down. if you don’t know your acronyms then it will get lost on you.

      I don’t offer bng, QQ, or 15 min dates to first timers, not once has it ended on time, always gone over. then I heard guys purposely will opt for the QQ knowing full well and have every intention on going over into hhr but wanna save money, so for those 2 reasons I don’t offer to new clients, only my regulars have been able to stay within their allotted time, 15 minutes just isn’t enough time for a first meeting. I’ve started to want to make some clients book an hour because so many still run over on a hhr. and I don’t know why so many don’t think the clock starts when they walk in the door. showers count, showing up late comes out of your time, if you book a hhr for 2 pm and don’t get there until 2:15 your appointment is still over at 2:30 pm,, unless she is the reason for late start, often times that’s due to the previous client running late so it pushes all appointments back. nobody likes to be rushed, it puts enormous stress on us trying to accommodate everyones schedule so when our time isn’t respected it affects more than just us, if we share a room then even more peoples schedules are affected. and I take the same amount of time to prep for a QQ date as I do for hhr or hr so I’m always gonna take the longer dates over the qq dates, QQ for under a 100 just isn’t worth it, and the guys after that are budget/service oriented and I prefer dates that see me more as a person, a woman, and want to know me, not the ones in search of a warm, wet hole to jack off into.


  3. I’m new entirely to the scene. Should I prepare my own screening before I make contact with the provider via text message, or let them handle it on their side when I text them?


    • You provide them with information when you contact them. Make sure you check their listings/website/etc to see if they say exactly what screening information they require and give them that info during your initial contact. If you are unsure what to provide, politely ask what additional information they need.


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